Greetings,

I know, I have been gone a long time, but I have not felt the pull of artistry for quite sometime, and felt no need to bore you with my dribble. Nothing new in terms of art...I seem to have lost my touch. Oh well...

In new news, Rob and i have been together for a little over 6 months now...and things are okay I suppose. There are days where I am still unsure how exactly I feel towards him. *sigh*

For those of you who do not know, I am moving. Well, if everything works out this time that is... I had a roomate, she up and left with only one days notice to me, and I never saw the rent money from her (or any of the grocery money she owed me). But now I'll try again, with new roomates, and a new apartment...Just have to get all the paper work together, and the money, and get it into to transglobe...I am only supposed to be moving in two weeks.

The apartment is a cute little three bedroom apartment with a balcony on the seventh floor of a little building in a bad area of town. but it's cheap.

Well, I have little else to say right now, I am 21 and life seems to be going no where, slowly. I am sure things will turn aroudn eventually, either that or I'll die, but as long as I don't have to deal with a million people telling em that "everything will be okay" or that "life isn't really that bad" etc. then I think I'll be okay. Please only comment if you have soemthing useful to say, and not just to tell me that it gets better.

Well, a lot has happened since I last wrote to you...

My Knee has healed well, though it can still be troubling some days, and I am now on the search for a job. No luck so far, but if I get my smart serve I may have a job at a local pub. So, that is good news at least.
Robin and I broke up (for those who don't know, robin was my fiance whom I'd been with for 2 years) and it has been messy. But since he has seemed to move on, or back rather, with his ex, I have figured that I may as well do the same. So I have a new "playtoy" as people call him, and I am rather enjoying him, although I am not %100 sure on my feelings for him yet.
The Christmas season is here and I am not the least bit happy about it, but as long as I can scrounge up enough for the essential gifts and my family can manage to get along it should be berable enough.
I am hoping that my inspiration for art, whether it be poetry or drawing, will return soon but for now I guess I will just keep trying.

Well, that is all for now. till the next time something interesting enough to write about happens!

Well, my Knee surgery is over now..and things are healing wonderfully. Thank Goodness!! and aside from the rush of trying to finish school and drama my 'friends' keep bringing around things are going fairly well.

I just had an audition for Barbizan modeling & actign school, and Ice modeling agency... I WAS ACCEPTED!!!!

I start my training this weekend, and train twice a month for 3-4 months. then I have a major photo shoot and a show in TO infront of 600! from there it's many auditions and hopefully Jobs in Magazines, ads, Commercials etc. Yay!!!

So I'm a M.I.T (model in training) wish me luck

not a whole lot to say this time... mostly I am just bored.

Well, My knee surgery comes up soon, May 12th, and although I am excited to have my knee working properly again, I am nervous aswell. The timing could not have been worse for it, May is my last full month to finish up my school work - and I have a fair amount left- and I will be spending it drugged up and at home, bored. Also, my 20th birthday is in May, so I will bummed otu for that... btu I guess I gotta look on the bright side. right?

Then there is the matter of Almonte being Drama Central!! Argh! between relationships, friends, rumours and aprents it's enough to drive one crazy!

On happier news, I am still with my beloved Robin (Mysterious-guy)
and we're planning a wedding in four years time D I am excited!!

This may sound kind of emo, but I feel like I need to get it off my chest.


I was looking through the photos of my old friends and seeing how there life kept going...and then the pics of my new friends, people who I am supposed to be good friends with and we don't have a single pic together... I feel almost like I don't exsist there anymore, and I can't blame them, it is I who faded from their existance, not the other way around. I feel like I almost don't exist anymore...like I am ghost that slips in and out of reality. like I only exist through words now,
and old memories...like the worlds moved on without me.

I know, I know this seems kind of "look at me! look at me!" and maybe a bit selfish when I have good friends and a boyfriend I love whom I am sure loves me back, but those friends have moved away to start or continue their own lives. and the loving bf is wonderful but I sometimes miss have more of a social life, with friends, doing stupid things to pass the time and maybe being seen as childish...but it was fun.
As I watch my friends continue on this lifestyle I get lonely. My mother says that it is about tiem that I grow up, but why can I not be grown up and still have fun? I AM ONLY 19 FOR ***** SAKE!! It is not like I am 30! yet, all I do these days is go to school all week and go to work all wekend (sometime having to skip school for work) and then see robin at night...everynight...not that I mind beign with him everynight, I don't at all (but even that is usually the same old one of us falls asleep (usually him) while the other watches movie/tv or plays Video games).

Well, thnk you for listening ot my rant..if anyone is indeed listening (actually I guess it would be more considered reading than listening) I believe I have run out of things to say with out turing this into an unreadable, crazy ramble.

Sincerely,
the computer ghost.